Tips for Brides

IT’S all too common for brides-to-be to spend weeks before the big day suffering from insomnia, agonising over early detail and worrying endlessly about what will go wrong. Yet, happily, almost all of them end up having a wonderful time and come out the other side unscathed, able to look back with real pleasure on the experience. So who better to reassure you than women who’ve been there before you?

IN the midst of all the excitement and emotion, make a conscious effort to spend some quality time with your new husband. What with chatting to every guest, it’s easy not to see him all day – which isn’t really the point! Make sure that years after the event, you both share the same special memories of the day together.” Allison Smith, 65, social worker, married 37 years.

I would have done lots differently with hindsight. Our wedding was hijacked by our parents. My mother went into overdrive and really pushed us towards a traditional do. We felt we had to do it the proper way – i.e. proper dress, marquee, etc. If I had the chance to do it again, I would be more inventive. I’d invite people I liked rather than those out of duty.

We also went away straight after the reception and that was too early – we barely got to see our guests – so I would have a wild party in the evening with an Irish band and dancing and flares in the garden. Loosen up, relax and do it how YOU want it – not how your parents or his parents tell you.” Jane Alexander, 39, journalist, married five years

People take hundreds and hundreds of pictures of you all day long. There’s nothing worse than returning from your honeymoon to be greeted by photos of you looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, so remember to stand up straight and put your head back (no double-chinned pics please) and smile! And my top tip – have a glass of Champagne before you walk up the aisle – it relaxes you beautifully.” Liz Dawson, 38, publicist, married six years.

Don’t worry too much. Our caterers strayed from the seating plan, the disco was set up in the wrong part of the room, we forgot to cut our cake after the speeches and our best man didn’t announce us so we couldn’t walk in to dinner together to applause. None of it mattered in the slightest and it obviously wasn’t apparent to anyone else. I spent weeks (more like months) flapping about things like that beforehand, which was a complete waste of energy!” Jo Walker, 27, marketing manager, married three years.

Wear your shoes around the house before the big day to wear them in. I didn’t and discovered that wearing agonising new shoes and trying to look serene and beautiful at the same time is hard work.” Annabel Clarke, 33, editor, married three years

Don’t worry about being too bossy or opinionated when you are organising your wedding. Most people will appreciate it if you know exactly what you want and tell them so. I was very indecisive at first and the poor florist kept coming up with flowers I hated – this wastes lots of time on both sides. Keep pictures of flowers/table settings/hairstyles that you like in a file and you’ll have a visual reference to show people.” Julia Piper, 32, artist, married eight years.

Be aware of becoming a prima donna as you obsess over the tiniest details. Remember that a wedding should be a happy occasion for family and friends – after all, that’s why you want to celebrate your relationship publicly. Try and relax your rigid concepts of The Dream Day and you’ll be amazed how much more smoothly everything runs.” Jane Ross Macdonald, 36, mother, married six years.

If you’re planning to have a DJ, compile a play list before the wedding. That way, you avoid the horror of having to listen to trendy techno tunes all night or alternatively teeny bands such as Steps. Remember you want you granny and your ten-year-old niece to enjoy the dancing, as much as your mates. Play a variety of styles of music and include old favourites such as Abba.” Mary Raikes, 34, teacher, married six years.

Make sure you choose a relaxing honeymoon! By the time we started ours, I was so exhausted from the wedding that we ended up cancelling most of our pre-booked trips to various sites and instead spent time just chilling out by the pool. Don’t underestimate how tired you will feel, especially if you’ve had a large wedding.” Fiona Mcintosh, 39, publisher, married two years.